10th August 2015
This is the reason why I have kept a diary all these years so I can record and recall the momentous events in my life. So, and this may be the biggest thing ever to record….. I asked Jane to marry me tonight and she said yes!!! I was real smooth, booked a restaurant in town and asked the waiter to hide the ring in the ice bucket so when he came over with some champagne I popped the question and told her there was some expensive ice in the bucket. Exciting times……
3rd September 2015
It is odd to be so happy and so stressed at the same time. Everything is going so quickly towards organising the wedding and it is all so thrilling. At the same time everything at work is so stressful. The boss says that they are having to bid really low on contracts to get the work in and make promises as to when they will be finished. So we can’t afford temp labour so those of us on permanent contracts are having to work every hour to get the jobs done. All of us are terrified about losing our jobs. So I am happy, knackered and stressed! Anyway, football at the weekend so that should take my mind off it and then the pub on Saturday……
14th September 2015
I cannot stop my hand shaking as I write this. Even though it happened 48 hours ago I can’t stop shaking as I think about it. I am not sure I can even write about it yet but here it goes. I had been working late on the Wood Mill job, we have such a deadline. So I was coming home and it was dark on the Parkway. On the straight bit on the approach to the turning at the Bulls Head I swear there was nothing coming so I just took the turn and there was an almighty bang. I don’t know where he came from but a motorcyclist went straight in to the side of the van. The first thing I knew was the sound of metal tearing and the airbags went off. I just sat there stunned. I could hear the motorbike engine still revving. Someone opened the door and I staggered out in to the road. I could hear people speaking to me but my head was all over the place. The bike was on the floor wedged under the van. People were trying to get me to sit down but suddenly I thought about the rider. Where was he? I saw a figure in the road about 100 yards away. Two people were kneeling by him. I tried to walk over to him. Someone held my arm and it was then that I realised I was hurt. The pain shot along my arm and chest. I guess adrenaline or fear had blocked it out. The next thing were the sirens and lights. Police and ambulance. They took me to the General. I had broken my collarbone and some ribs. It was when I was in the cubicle that the Officers came in. And, Christ I can scarcely believe it, they told me the motorcyclist had died. I can’t stop the tears now. They breathalysed me. They said they had to. Procedure. I knew I was ok, I had been at work. I feel so sorry for that poor bloke.
17th September 2015
The police called in today to see me. Two nice officers. The poor bloke died at the scene. They told me that witnesses had seen that his headlight was not on as he approached the junction. That must have been why I didn’t see him. They said that a preliminary look at the bike showed it probably had a fault in the wiring that had led to the light being broken and that the guy probably knew it because the switch was in the off position. Not that we will know it because the poor bugger is dead. That explains why I didn’t see him. Doesn’t make me feel any better about it. I just want to get back to work and have all this behind me.
12th October 2015
Jane has been a rock these last few weeks. Looking after me when I was out of hospital. And then the last few weeks she has had to put up with my total feelings of despair at the thoughts of the accident. I have been waking up in the middle of the night when the accident is in my dreams. Sometimes it is not even the same accident. But the sights and sounds are the same. But Jane has been there for me. And now I am back at work things seem to be getting back to normal. The boss said they struggled without me but were just able to keep my job open. So now I just have to put this behind me and look to the future and the wedding.
16th October 2015
Work is hectic again. The collarbone is still giving me gyp, particularly after a hard day. Jane and I are saving every penny we have at the moment for the wedding. We have tried to cut out every overhead so we can plough all our disposable income in to the building society account to pay for the wedding. Jane being a school teacher is great but it does make a Saturday summer wedding and honeymoon in school holidays bloody expensive!!
19th October 2015
Just when I thought everything was back to normal this. A phone call from the police. They want me to go in and speak to them again. They have asked me to go to the station next Monday afternoon. I guess they have to finalise everything. Just wanted this to be over so I guess this might be the end at least.
23rd October 2015
I simply cannot believe it. When I got to the station they arrested me for death by careless driving. Properly arrested. I have never even been done for speeding. The police said they would get me a solicitor and then put me in a cell. I spent three hours in a cell. Me, locked up in a cell. Then my solicitor arrived. She told me that the police had disclosed some information to her. A witness, another driver, has said that I did not indicate as I pulled to the right to make the turn and that the police have an expert that said I should have been able to see the motorbike for ages before the turn, even though he had his light off. I told her I could not remember actually turning the indicator on but I must have done. I must have. I told her that the bike was just on me, I had no chance to see him. I was sorry, but it just wasn’t my fault. She talked me through what I can do and then we went in to interview. I told the police what I could recall. They even told me that it was thought the biker was speeding. I was interviewed for over an hour. Endless questions about what I was doing that day, how tired I was, distracted by work. At the end of it I was bailed. I have to go back in six weeks. I am on bail. For killing someone. The solicitor said she would be in touch.
6th November 2015
Work continues to be crazy but now it almost happens as if behind glass. In fact my whole life happens as if it is happening to someone else. It is if there are only two things in my life – the fact that the accident happened which is my only history and the fact that I have to wait another three weeks to find out what the police are doing which is my only future. I rang the solicitors today and was just told there was nothing we could do and just had to sit and wait.
5th December 2015
I am due at the police station tomorrow. I spoke to the solicitor this afternoon. The one that came to the police station has changed jobs so I spoke to someone else. The said there was no point in coming with me tomorrow. If they want to interview me again they’ll send someone but otherwise they would not come.
6th December 2015
If I had hoped that this would be over any time soon that was seriously wrong. When I got to the police station today they simply bailed me again for a further six weeks because the CPS need to advise them some more. Do they not realise they are playing with my future here? I know that the guy died and I should be grateful for what I have but if I had left five minutes earlier that day or been sent to another site I would be writing in my diary about the arrangements for a wedding, not recalling my attendance at a police station, sitting in a waiting room with people who look like they never work and being given a slip of paper detailing the fact that I am on bail. I am not a criminal. But I feel like one.
1st January 2016
Last night I just could not stand the idea of Jane’s brother’s New Year Eve party. Christmas day was bad enough but a night of everyone looking forward to all that the next year has to bring and here I am, thinking for the first time “Am I going to go to prison?” I just don’t know. Do people even go to prison for this sort of thing? I can’t explain it to Jane so she doesn’t understand. She just thinks I am being miserable. I reckon I have every right to be miserable. But we rowed about it.
14th January 2016
I could not face doing my diary yesterday. If it wasn’t bad enough that I had to take another afternoon off work when I got to the police station they charged me with death by careless driving. I am due in the Magistrates Court in four weeks time. I came straight out and called the solicitors and asked if I could come in for a meeting so I have an appointment next week. Another day off work. I had not really thought about it before but their office is miles away. They told me they only have the one office in the area. Right need to get a little perspective in my life. I cannot get the thoughts of all this from my mind. Jane is quite right to moan that I am ignoring the arrangements for the wedding. I cannot simply think about it. And when Jane tries to talk to me about it I just snap. I need to sit down with my solicitor and get things straight in my head. It is real now. I am really in trouble. I feel like I am drowning.
What will become of me?