The Fat Cat’s Tale


Today the Daily Spin can reveal the shocking truth behind the scandal of the parasite barristers who are bleeding the public purse dry.

Top criminal barrister, Richard Cash, is at the centre of a storm created by his milking of the system. It has come to light that he regularly earns tens of pounds of taxpayers money by doing his job.

The scandal centres around events that unfolded during the past month at Provincial Town Crown Court. Earlier this month Cash was instructed to prosecute a case of robbery the night before it was due to be heard for trial. That dark evening saw the first of his efforts to enrich himself at the public’s expense.

The defendant, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was charged with an offence of street robbery. Knowing all the tricks of the trade, Cash immediately set about preparing the case.

Demonstrating his insatiable desire for money Cash callously ignored his young family over the course of that evening. Instead he poured all his efforts in to “preparation” which he knew would be funded by public money.

Having read the papers and made a few notes he then set about writing what barristers cynically call an opening whilst sitting at the kitchen table of his £200,000, three bedroomed, semi-detached house. Having spent two hours doing these basic tasks Cash then set about really doing all he could to make himself rich quick.

The police had already taken a number of witness statements and that evening Cash spent an hour repeating the salient facts of these statements in a document that he called “Agreed Facts”. Later he was to justify his actions by claiming that he was trying to make it easier for the jury to follow the “agreed” evidence. It strikes this correspondent that it was “a greed” but an avaricious one.

If this was not enough Cash then turned his money making attentions to the police interview. The defendant had been painstakingly interviewed about a number of offences.

Again in a display of scandalous repetition Cash spent a further hour that night reducing the length of those interviews from fifty pages to a measly ten. His efforts were in stark contrast to the work of those officers. They produced fifty pages and Cash produced ten that said the same thing.

Having spent the night before churning out this endless “preparation” Cash attended court the following day. No doubt with one eye on the expenses claim Cash paid £8 to park for the day relatively near to the court building.

We can exclusively reveal that the case was listed as a “floating trial” which means the parties simply waited for a court to come free. So having arrived at 9.30 am Cash idly spent the morning chatting to the police about some outstanding forensics, talking the witness through court procedure and discussing the case with the defence.

At shortly before one o’clock the case was called on before His Honour Judge Soft QC and the defendant changed his plea to guilty. So no trial for Cash to conduct. He undoubtedly expected his huge fee for those five minutes in court. Furthermore the case had been listed for two days so Cash got the next day off.

The Spin understands that such events are not a rare occurrence but the outrage caused by Cash’s actions will only be compounded by what was subsequently to unfold.

At the sentence hearing the unnamed defendant told the court that he was not actually guilty of the offence and Mr Recorder Angers allowed an application for the defendant to revert to his not guilty plea.

And so it came to be that Cash was back prosecuting this trial some twelve days later. In a further display of his tendency to rack up his claim on public funds he spent a further hour the night before supposedly “refreshing his memory” of the detail of the case.

Sources close to the Government reveal that Cash brazenly parked in the same car park, splashing out a further £8. After two hours at court spent making enquiries it transpired the witness was attending a hospital appointment and was unable to attend that day.

Cash, without an ounce of shame, applied to the court to adjourn the trial to the sound of cash registers chiming in his mind. The case was adjourned to start the following day which meant the second day clashed with a Court of Appeal case and Cash gave the trial to one of his colleagues. Yet again Cash had taken the money and run.

With a series of cleverly plotted schemes and devices this money-grabbing barrister had managed to squeeze the very pips of his taxpayer funded gravy train of a cash cow.

Over the course of the case Cash managed to amass a whopping £165 in fees. This outrage cannot persist for much longer. Public confidence must be undermined by these outlandish earnings.

Those professionals prosecuting hardened criminals receiving in the region of £10 per hour after their expenses are simply getting rich at the expense of all hard working members of society.

The comparison is often made with the Prime Minister’s income and it is not difficult to see why such comparisons cast the vastly inflated earnings of one in stark contrast to the other.

The Daily Spin can only hope that such money-spinning practices are brought to an end forthwith. A couple of changes of mind by the defendant and an unforeseen problem with the witness was all this typical ambulance chasing lawyer needed to fund his lavish life of crime.

We have no doubt that the facts uncovered by the Spin’s special investigation will renew calls to slash these double-figure hourly rates paid to barristers.

The Press are duty bound to bring such matters to the attention of the public. This tale of a fat cat lawyer should not be ignored.

The truth is out there.

* this is entirely fictitious, save for the bald facts are exactly what happened in one of my cases recently. And the fees are exactly what I will receive.

If you enjoyed this read my earlier blog “The Weakest Link”

5 thoughts on “The Fat Cat’s Tale

  1. Pingback: Morning round-up: Monday 16 September | Legal Cheek

  2. Pingback: The Fat Cat’s Tale | - Anna Roffey

  3. Marshal Davout

    Don’t forget the way that Richard Cash wil milk the system further by expecting payment in the same year as he conducted the work. Disgusting.


  4. Pingback: Fat Cat Lawyers: a User Guide | JonMack

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