MoJese – A Guide to Newspeak

Some handy translations of pronouncements coming out of our beloved ministry…..

We have quadrupled fees and tightened time limits to stop JR being used as a cheap delaying tactic in immigration cases

UKIP VOTERS SHOULD VOTE FOR US

The proposals include a residency test so that immigrants who have barely stepped over the border, or who may even be here illegally, will not qualify for civil legal aid.

UKIP VOTERS SHOULD VOTE FOR US

There are now only a tiny handful of cases each day when an interpreter job is unfilled.

PLEASE STOP GOING ON ABOUT IT, THEY ARE ONLY CRIMINALS, AND FOREIGN ONES AT THAT. DID I MENTION THAT UKIP VOTERS SHOULD VOTE FOR US?

Very often attempts to deport foreign prisoners run into problems with the Human Rights Act, which is another reason why human rights laws need to change.

COME ON UKIP VOTERS, THROW ME A FRICKING BONE HERE

We want to engage constructively with stakeholders

WE WILL ENGAGE WITH STAKEHOLDERS WHO AGREE WITH US

The cost of the legal aid system has spiralled out of control

THE COST OF LEGAL AID IS GOING DOWN EVERY YEAR, WE NEED TO CONTROL THAT OR ELSE WE WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO BEAT THE LAWYERS WITH

We will still have one of the most expensive legal aid systems in the world

FORGET THE QUALITY, FEEL THE WIDTH

The least that a junior barrister can be paid for a day in a Crown court trial is £225 plus VAT

£225 IS THE LEAST A JUNIOR WILL GET FOR A DAY IN A CROWN COURT TRIAL UNLESS THEY ARE DOING A VHCC AND WILL OFTEN APPEAR FOR MUCH LESS THAN THIS ON MANY OCCASIONS, OFTEN FOR NOTHING. LOL AS DAVE WOULD SAY.

In very high cost cases, after we have made the changes, our projection is that in the shorter VHCC cases, the typical ones that are a little over 60 days which require a shorter period of preparation, the typical payment to a QC will be around £135,000. I still think that is a fair reward for the job

A QC WOULD GET ABOUT £135,000 FOR A 60 DAY TRIAL PLUS 1,800 PREP WHICH WORKING 7 HOURS A DAY MEANS 260 DAYS OF PREP PLUS 60 DAYS FOR TRIAL WHICH IS A WHOLE YEAR THE FAT CAT BASTARD. BUT IT SOUNDS BETTER IF IT IS JUST CONNECTED TO THE 60 DAY TRIAL.

Nobody should be paid more than the Prime Minister from public funds

NOBODY SHOULD BE PAID MORE THAN THE PRIME MINISTER FROM PUBLIC FUNDS UNLESS THEY ARE A CHIEF EXECUTIVE OF G4S, IN WHICH CASE MOST OF THEIR HUGE REMUNERATION WILL COME FROM PUBLIC FUNDS. WHICH IS NICE. GIZZA JOB. GO ON, I CAN DO THAT

2 thoughts on “MoJese – A Guide to Newspeak

  1. Pingback: MoJese - A Guide to Newspeak | Legal interpreti...

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