I did not write this. But I bring you news concerning the Magna Carta. Warning, contains adult language, but only about Nigel Farage, so that doesn’t count.
HISTORIANS are studying an edition of the Magna Carta found this week in Kent that makes England French property from June.
Found in council archives, it contains an additional paragraph that says France can have England in 800 years’ time if the country is still a dump by then.
Historian Susan Traherne said: “If verified, this document means on June 15th we all become French, which I intend to mark by starting smoking again and having that affair I’ve always wanted.
“It’s not going to be an easy period of transition but people can console themselves with the spectacle of Nigel Farage losing his fucking mind.”
The key section of the document states: “Let it be agreed that England, its lands and chattels and peoples thereof, be surrendered unto the kingdom of France 800 years from the signing of this charter if it be shewn that the place still is somewhat of a shitehole”.
After June 15th, football fans will have to chant “No world wars but two world cups” when playing Germany and rectangular loaves will be made illegal.